Excuse Me! Has Anyone Seen My Herd?

Posted on May 15, 2012 by thedooverdiva

People, I’ve been living a lie! For years I’ve dreamed of escaping the drudgery of the corporate wheel, scaling the grey padded walls of cubicle-land (oh, if only they weren’t so high). But I had it all wrong. The corporate world isn’t the problem. The problem is I’ve been running with the wrong pack of corporate wolves, or herd of elephants, depending on the company.

Oh yes, we like to think we are so evolved that we don’t have a herding instinct. But is it really such a bad thing? We herd subconsciously all the time. Look at your group of friends; I am sure they have similar interests to you. As for me, over the last few months I sniffed around, marked my blogging territory and now I’m a member of a pack of bloggers! Crazy animals all of us, but we fit together.

So why did I stop doing that in my career? When I was younger, I followed my instincts (my gut); that’s how I made life decisions. But as I matured, my brain became my GPS. I went from a GPS that appreciated the joy of the journey, to one focused solely on reaching the destination (and packing the car with useless material things on the way). Obviously, I’ve been working off the wrong satellite.

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of interviewing some amazing leaders from very different companies in the corporate world. Some were receiving leadership awards; others were paying tribute to those being honored. Everyone was successful in their careers and glowed with passion for their jobs.

Near the end of the interviews, it struck me that even if I hadn’t know which company each person came from, I could have figured it out just by talking with them. Not because I’m a genius, but because they fit together. They had the same values, the same passion, and the same energy.

It reinforced for me, that to be really happy in any job, you must factor in your “herding instinct” as much as you do the compensation package. For while you can be different from the members of your work herd, the environment in which you live must feed our soul for you to truly thrive.

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

An Award For Me! Are You Serious?

Posted on April 26, 2012 by thedooverdiva

I was totally gob-smacked!

An Award for blogging, me! Little miss average, little miss doubt-myself? I was totally excited and honored when I learned I had been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award. Thank you Leslie!

It could not have come at a better time. Blogging can be a lonely endeavor (excluding comments from spammers). Staring at the comments section day after day, wondering if there’s anyone out there is not always easy. Yes, I admit I’m needy. I had invisible friends when I was a child, but it’s not as much fun as it used to be ☺.

Rumor has it people from as far-flung as England not only enjoy the Diva blog, but subscribe to it. But alas they are silent lovers for the most part; shy in their admiration.

So just as I was about to throw down my pen (I know it’s a keyboard, but “closing my laptop” doesn’t sound as dramatic) and watch cable reruns instead of blogging, I heard about the award.

I am so very grateful for this honor, and to everyone who reads my blog whether you comment or not.

So there are rules that go with accepting the award, so here goes.

First things first, I need to thank the person who nominated me.

Thank you Leslie, you made my day, nay my week. Let’s be honest; you made my year! Check out Leslie’s blog, she’s smart and so very funny, I love her blog and so will you. http://awritersquery.wordpress.com

Secondly, I need to reveal 7 things about myself. Oh, how embarrassing should I get?

1. I used to be four-foot, eleven and a half inches (the half was very important to me), but when I moved to Colorado I grew to 5ft. I tell people the altitude makes you taller.

2. I was a musical movie geek growing up. I spent weekends watching Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire while many my age were partying.

3. I have a bathroom phobia (probably because I’m British). I can’t understand why American public bathroom doors have huge gaps in them. Were they designed to entertain curious children who like to peer in at you in your most private moments?

4. I’ve lived in three different countries: England, Ireland and America.

5. I have two teenage boys who are now taller than me. When I have to scold them, I feel very silly because I am fully aware that they could take me down.

6. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a ghost or two.

7. A Native American once told me my spirit guide is a whale, which was very strange because I collect whales (not real ones ☺) but he didn’t know that.

Wow, that was hard.

Lastly, I need to pass the award on to 15 other bloggers that I love. Then go to their sites and tell them to pick up their awards. So, my regular blogs, if I haven’t listed you it’s because I believe you already have an award. If I am wrong I apologize in advance.

And the awards to go…

http://blog.soupkitchenwriting.com/ – Ann Randolph imparts her wisdom about everything writing, and stokes the fires of your writing passion.

http://sharingbecauseican.blogspot.com/ – The journey of Rachel, a beautiful, intelligent woman whose life was hijacked by a debilitating disease.

http://365daysofsweat.wordpress.com/ – For all of us who have vowed to get on the exercise train, but keep losing our ticket.

http://www.positivelypositive.com/ – For that little dose of positive energy you need in your day.

http://www.ourlittlebooks.com/ – Inspiration for those of us who love to write and can’t figure out why we don’t every day.

http://doreenpendgracs.com/ – Doreen always inspires me.

http://themidlifechronicles.wordpress.com – The Midlife Chronicles is about reflecting on the bloggers life’s first half and looking ahead at the possibilities awaiting in the second.

http://www.aslobcomesclean.com/ – The cleaning wows of a very funny lady.

http://bizbitchblog.blogspot.com – This hilarious blog is described as a blog about Truth, Justice and the American Way

http://www.ariverofstones.com/ – Kathryn helps you find the “writer within”.

http://skippingstonememories.blogspot.com/ – I love to feel nostalgic and this wonderful blog helps stir memories.

http://www.offbeatearth.com/ – This is a fun blog with interesting pictures and the unexpected.

http://healingandempowerment.blogspot.com/ – This blogs isn’t the easiest on the heart to read but reminds me how precious life is no matter what.

http://stumblesthroughparenthood.com/tag/raising-teen-boys/ – This one I read to get me through my parenting adventures.

http://claudiajustsaying.com/ I love blogs bout real people and I love the saying “just saying” because if you add that to a sentence you can get away with almost anything you say.

Another blog that I know already got the award, but I had to mention for its humor and honesty.

http://clairecappetta.wordpress.com/

Again, thank you Leslie.

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

I Am A Parental Oxymoron

Posted on April 11, 2012 by thedooverdiva

No matter how many self-help books you read or how many “change your life” seminars you attend, the message in all of them is pretty much the same: Live in the moment. From Chopra to Oprah the mantra doesn’t change.

I strive every day to live in the moment, not to obsess about the future, or spend too long strolling through my past. Sometimes I succeed, if only for a day, an hour, or even for an actual moment.

Looking back (I know I said I’d try not to do that…told you it was hard), I realize just how much time and energy I’ve wasted trying to control tomorrow instead of living in today. It really didn’t get me anywhere. So knowing that, why is it still so hard to change?

However, not everyone finds it hard to embrace the moment; children and teens do it naturally. And here is where irony pops its mischievous head up.

I have two teenage sons who live firmly, 120% in the moment. They don’t fret about the future, or what tomorrow will or won’t bring. I admire (even envy) them for this, and yet my mantra to them is:

“Get your homework done, you need to get your grades up or you’ll end up in a dead-end job. “

“You won’t get into a good college with Cs.”

“If you want a future with a nice home, nice car and nice vacations you need to buckle down.”

I don’t say these things to put them down, but rather to wake them up. I endeavor to shake them out of living in the moment, and encourage them to focus on their futures. But isn’t that exactly the opposite of what I’m trying to do in my life? No wonder teens find adults confusing; I’m confused.

It’s a paradox! But there has to be a happy middle ground right? If so, where does it fall? If I stop nagging my kids (not sure they listen anyway), will they take care of their own futures? If I stop obsessing about my future, will a benevolent universe deliver a healthy retirement fund onto me? Or will we all end up serving up French Fries at a fast food restaurant and wishing we could re-do yesterday? If you have the answers, I’d love to hear them, and probably so would my poor, ear bashed, children.

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Tick! Tock! Time Is A Funny Thing.

Posted on April 5, 2012 by thedooverdiva

Time is a funny thing isn’t it? It’s undoubtedly our most valuable commodity, but we constantly waste it, and even worse, we wish it away. We can’t wait for the weekend to arrive; for the end of the workday; we count down the days until our birthday (I don’t do that with quite as much enthusiasm as I used to). It’s only when time becomes scarce, has an expiration date, that we realize how truly precious it is.

And it is, have no doubt about that. Wasting even a minute of this wonderful gift is criminal negligence at the very least.

In an earlier post I told you I was going on an interview for a corporate job. (Hey, don’t judge me, a girls got to do what a girls got to do ☺!) Suddenly my do-over had a potential end date. When I did a mental inventory of the things I hadn’t achieved yet, panic wrapped its coils around me and started to squeeze.

What if I got the job and had to start work immediately? Would the basement ever get cleaned out? Would I ever finish, or start, my novel? Would my blog be banished to the blog graveyard in the cloud? Time, which I had wasted so frivolously, may have run out.

Then the Universe slapped me in the face with a reality check. In the midst of my self-induced panic attack the question “what if this were the end of your life not just your unemployment” popped into my head. I have to admit, it knocked the wind out of me, but as I pondered the answer, it also woke me up to what is really important.

And here is where things get strange. The question haunted me for days, and then I got a call from Ireland. My aunt, who had been battling cancer for years, had taken a turn for the worse. It was a total shock because she had been fighting so valiantly and seemed strong only weeks earlier. But now she had stopped all treatment and the last grains of her time on earth were slipping through the hourglass.

She left us physically a few days later, but her inspiration will be with us always. For you see, Ann Daly Greene saw the world through rose-colored glasses although she was blind from birth. She never saw the beauty of color, but she felt it. She never saw the beauty of a sunset, but she felt it. She never saw the face of her son, but she knew it. She never complained; she never asked why. She wasn’t given the gift of sight, but she was grateful for each gift she did receive. She worked, she married, she had a son and she left us with the memory of her cheerful nature. She will be missed.

Which brings me back to the subject of time. I discovered a few years ago that Ann and I were kindred spirits; she loved to write. We planned to get together and share our writings, but things just kept getting in the way. I tried to see her when I was in Ireland, but she got sick and couldn’t take visitors. When we tried to communicate through email, the Internet would go down, or something would stop us. Now I wish I had tried harder.

But I’m not blogging this to bring you down! I actually want to uplift you. I want to remind you to cherish every moment, figure out what is really important in your life, and don’t let obstacles stand in your way. None of us know when the clock will stop ticking on our lives, so even though I know it’s a cliché, I say to you “live life like there’s no tomorrow!”

To Auntie Ann, I hope they have the Internet in heaven so you can read my blog, better late than never! I’ll see you in my dreams.

P.S. I did not get the corporate job, which is good. I was not a good fit. So I get to reset my do-over clock and really get things done this time.

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Place Of My Heart

Posted on March 18, 2012 by thedooverdiva

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I’d like to share a poem I wrote many, many years ago when I was feeling home sick for the Emerald Isle. Happy St. Patrick’s Day to everyone who is Irish, and everyone who would like to be.

Place Of My Heart

Oh place of my heart, where autumn frost sparkles upon your winding roads like star-dust sprinkled by angels. And fresh, crisp air fills the day with its cleansing touch.

Oh place of my heart, where shades of green too many to count bring life and warmth to the hills on which we roam. And proud majestic trees line our path, shielding us from the wind that rustles through their leaves.

Oh place of my heart, where the sweet sound of bird song fills the air and dances upon the breeze. And the soft mummer of the river echoes though the air.

Oh place of my heart, where people smile and bid good-day to strangers. And families are bound together by an ancient web of love.

Oh place of my heart, which the Lord looks down upon with pride. The warmth of His smile spreading over your land and dancing upon your gentle waters.

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

My Life’s Such A Cliche, I’m Pulling My Hair Out!

Posted on March 12, 2012 by thedooverdiva

I don’t know about you, but as a writer I try to avoid trite clichés and tired adages like the plague (sorry, I couldn’t resist).

I don’t always succeed on paper, or if this week is anything to go by, in life.

• Always a feast or a famine.
• Be careful what you wish for.
• Things happen in threes.

Those three gems pretty much describe the past week, which has been one of the craziest and most exhausting of my unemployment.

After my lay-off, opportunity either took a vacation or lost my email address, because it was nowhere in sight. I sent out resumes, tried networking, smudge sticked my resume, but nothing. It was clear as a bell, life was giving me the cold shoulder. No one was interested in me, or my experience; I was past my sell-by date.

I felt like a redheaded stepchild, but suddenly the damn of opportunity broke. My actor son landed a manager in LA. It’s super exciting but also a Pandora’s box. Time was of the essence, so I found myself rushing to plan a trip to LA to meet agents and casting directors.

Then, in a strange twist of fate, the company that laid me off called and offered me not one, but two freelance projects. It was very strange going back to the place that kicked me to the curb, but freelance jobs can be far and few between so I put my best foot forward, and jumped right in to ten and twelve-hour days.

What would the perfect storm be without one more flash of lighting? My resumes finally made it off the slush pile and into the hands of a real person. Two days into my freelance gig I got a call, knocked the HR person’s socks off in a phone interview and knuckled down to complete a 70 minute on-line assessment. The jury is still out as to how I did. They’ll either call me for an interview or shred my resume. Only time will tell.

I don’t know what unplugged the pipeline of opportunity, whether it’s the law of attraction and positive thinking, or just timing. But being the honored guest at three feasts in one week is pretty tiring. Next time, I’ll be careful what I wish for.

For now, I better get my nose back on the grindstone because I’m busy as a bee this weather. Have fun counting all the clichés and adages in this one!

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Diva’s First Report Card a.k.a. Reality Check

Posted on March 3, 2012 by thedooverdiva

So as promised, here is my Diva Report Card. I don’t think my Mom would tape it to the fridge, but don’t think my Dad would strip me of all privileges and sending me to my room either.

This blog is definitely a journey of discovery, and so is this lay-off. Let me know if you think I was to soft on the grading.

1. Create a blog to keep me accountable to myself and my readers
Well, you’re reading this so ”A” for me on creating a blog. Or maybe I should let you grade it. Feel free! But be nice, remember my sad high school story ☹

2. Write at least two blogs a week (will I have enough to say?)
Here’s where my GPA takes a nose dive. Welcome to “Excuse Central.” Yep, I’ve been buying first class tickets to that station every time I miss a post. I was busy. I had a headache. My kids needed my attention. Mars is in retrograde. You name the excuse; I’ve probably used it. Sometimes the excuse has had a modicum of truth, but I could have squeezed in a post.

This week I was extremely busy doing my freelance gig, but that’s not the reason I missed a post, although I told myself it was for a while. I did a little soul-searching (another way to put off posting) and realized what my block was. It was your fault! You weren’t expecting that were you?☺ You see I received such great comments on my last couple of posts that the writing bar got pretty high. I wasn’t sure I could jump that high again, so my feet got stuck to the ground. But please don’t let that stop you commenting and saying lovely things.

But here I am once more, jumping and doing my best to soar as high as I can. So I may have failed in the high jump, but I passed self-awareness. Grade: F for High Jump – A- for Self-awareness

3. Stop doubting I’ll have enough to say and start writing.
I’ve gotten so much better on this one. I now have no doubt I’ll have something to say, whether anyone will find it interesting is another thing. But at least I know I can drone on endlessly without any problem (my husband could have told me that years ago).

Finding topics is becoming easier because I am starting to see inspiration everywhere, and to be more aware of what’s going on around me. My head is up, I’m looking, I’m listening, and I’m awake. A good trait for a writer, wouldn’t you say? Grade: B-

4. Create a page of things that inspire me, and post cool stuff to inspire others.
Well you live and learn! I didn’t realize that “pages” on blogs don’t work like the main page. I thought I could post to my heart’s content. No, not like that. And let’s be honest, you don’t want to see a blog with 100 new pages every week. Grade: B- I did it, but it’s not what I envisioned. But if you haven’t checked out the video on my inspiration page C- for you. It’s worth your time, I promise.

5. Join a writing group.
Joined one, but why didn’t I do it years ago? We have the most amazing writer’s group in my little town. We range in age from 9 to 90. From published to wannabe published. Everyone is creative, supportive and it’s just plain fun to be with people who have the same, or have achieved, the same dream. Truly a way to get inspired. I encourage you to join one if you haven’t already. Grade B- would have earned a higher grade but I lost points for procrastination.

6. Find writing gigs that pay more than $1.50 for 200 words (don’t get me started) and get to work.
Definitely getting more than $1.50 for my freelance gig. But I need to find more. Grade: C more effort required because let’s be honest, the freelance gig found me.

7. Finish my writing for children course.
Almost there, I’m a step closer. I completed my second to last assignment and sent it in. I now have until April 1st to complete my final assignment: writing children’s picture book.

I’ve had the story and the characters in my head for so many years they’ve become part of me. However, completing the outline, I realize the story as it stands doesn’t work. It’s too complicated and needs updating. I’m from the era when having some scary elements in a children’s stories was normal (pigs being eaten by wolves, chickens being eaten by wolves; wow, no wonder wolves have such a bad reputation). So although no one was getting eaten in my story, I still need to change a few things.

Does that happen to you? In your head something sounds amazing, award-winning even. But when you get it on paper its shortcomings become crystal clear.

So I am getting ready to let go of my beloved story and reinvent it. It’s going to be hard, but I know it’s the only way it stands a chance of being read by more people than just me. Grade: TBD

8. Send out at least one short story/article a month.
I have a short story out to a children’s magazine. I’m getting scared to go to the mailbox. I need to put that in the back of my head and write my next one before I miss a month. Grade: A – For this month anyway.

9. Bring Wilbur, Lucy and all my other characters to life by finally writing my children’s books.
See item 7. Grade: TBD

10. Start my novel (you’ll love it!!)
Haven’t written anything, but I’ve thought about it. Guess that doesn’t count, does it? But I am encourage. When I was thinking about the storyline the other day I saw a shoe. What does that mean you ask? You’ll have to wait for the novel to find out. Grade: F

11. Take an e-publishing course.
I took a webinar, now I just need to write something to publish. Grade: A

12. Figure out why I love to write, but am reluctant to let people read my work
See Perfection Paralysis: Diagnosing the Cause from 2/21/12. Grade :A+ I’m giving this item such a high-grade because you guys said such nice things about this post. Thank you.

13. Believe in my voice.
Getting there. I really am! Grade B-

14. Get fit and healthy.
Does buying a gym bag count? Grade: F

15. Learn to meditate.
I keep trying, but I keep falling asleep or feeling guilty that I’m not working on my blog. Any advice for me? Grade: F

16. Do something with my photography.
Okay, I don’t have a gallery opening scheduled, but that wasn’t my intention. I’m really happy with what I’ve done so far. I use my photos on this blog. I also made a calendar. Every month I have a new reminder that I’m a creative soul. Next I’m looking into putting my best shots up on stock image sites. Grade: B

17. Help my kids/hubby reach for their dreams.
My youngest wants to be an actor and we’ve made great strides. But that’s a long story for another day. Hollywood here we come. Grade: B+

18. Clean the basement.
What basement? Grade: F

19. Get fit and healthy (I know I said that already, but I repressed it).
Oh, and I bought a yoga DVD. Grade: F

20. If a corporate job comes along, have built enough momentum in my writing life to keep it going too.
I am applying for a lot of jobs, but nothing yet. We’ll see how this one works out. Grade:TBD

21. Make writing my career.
Working on it. Grade: TBD

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | 9 Comments

Help, I Keep Dropping My Balls!

Posted on February 25, 2012 by thedooverdiva

When I was laid-off from my last job, little did I know that my next career would be juggling.

I may have lost a job, but I had gained eight hours (nine including commute) to do all the things I’d been too busy to do for the last twenty years. With full naiveté, I imagined the long hours of the day stretching out before me filled with infinite possibilities.

I had big plans. By now the house would be spotless, the basement organized. My workout shoes would be free of cobwebs, years of photographs would be sorted, and I’d be close to finishing a book destined to top the York Best Seller list.

But the days melted into weeks, the weeks into months and my “to do” list became my “not done” list. Now it stalks me night and day, glaring at me with reproach, plucking at the strings of my guilt.

So what went wrong? For years I managed a demanding career-life and home-life. I was the consummate multitasker, flitting between lives getting most (but not all) things done. Now it seems like I’m getting hardly anything done. What gives?

Well, today I had an “Aha! Moment”. I love those don’t you? Thanks Oprah.

I picked up some freelance production work this week and time has become a precious commodity again. It’s no longer a road stretching endlessly ahead, now it has markers, and I have to reach them by a certain time.

I realized that the more time I have to do something, the slower I do it (is that just human nature?). But given shorter timeframes and deadlines, I speed through everything, achieving the same end results. I call it the “jello” effect.

So as a result of being “on the clock” this week, I’ve accomplished more in a few days than I did in the last month. Between meetings and work sessions I did mounds of laundry, cleaned the house, applied for jobs, I even shaved my legs and wrote my blog. I finally have all my balls in the air and I’m not dropping any of them.

Granted it’s only been a couple of days and my arms aren’t tired yet. The key will be keeping the momentum going when time becomes plentiful again and I sink back into jello land.

Next time: My “To Do List Report Card”. Yikes, I’d better get busy turning some of those Fs into As (or at least Bs).

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , | 8 Comments

Perfection Paralysis: Diagnosing the Cause

Posted on February 21, 2012 by thedooverdiva

Have you ever been writing something or working on a project and it just flowed, it felt so right?

I love that feeling, it’s amazing! Excitement tickles your stomach, genius dances in your head: you feel powerful and alive. And you know without doubt, without hesitation, that what you are creating is not just good, it’s great.

Even though it has been many years since I penned the essay that led to my perfection paralysis, I remember it as if it were yesterday. The words fell from me like snowflakes, each one unique and beautiful in its own right. They spilled forth until they covered the paper, glittering and pristine and perfect, or so I thought. Okay, I’m getting a little carried away, but it really was a good essay.

I don’t remember exactly what I wrote, but I know it was a description of a day at the beach. I wish I had a copy, but teenagers don’t think to keep such things. Well, I didn’t anyway.

I should give you a little background to set the scene. You see, in high school I excelled at being average. I was an average student of average intelligence. The only thing that wasn’t average about me was my height. I was extremely petite, which coupled with my “averageness”, helped make me invisible.

Regrettably my cloak of invisibility was ripped from me in English class one sunny afternoon. Ms. Pushong wasn’t one for public displays of praise, so when she announced she was so impressed by one of our essays that she was going to read it aloud, thirty-two mouths dropped open.

At first I didn’t recognize the words as mine. Once I did, realization flowed over me with equal measures of delight and horror and I sank into my chair. But hearing the whispered accolades from around the room, pride tugged at my invisibility cloak and free of its weight, I floated back up.

With the last words of my masterpiece still hanging in air, Ms. Pushong revealed me as the author. The accolades turned to declarations of shock.

“I didn’t know she could write,” one said.
“She couldn’t have written that,” declared another.

For the very first time I enjoyed being in the spotlight, being more than average. But all too soon the spotlight began to sear my delicate ego.

“This was an excellent essay and would have received a perfect score had the author not changed tenses half way through. That as you know, is a grave error,” she continued.

I wanted to jump up and tell them all that I had intended to change the tense half way through, that it wasn’t a mistake (which is true). Embracing my right to poetic license I had changed tenses to add impact and interest to the story (I know that’s bad). But it was too late. The class had already erupted in a chorus of eager agreement, relieved the status quo was restored. I was back to being average, but unfortunately I was no longer invisible. I would forever be the girl who was shamed in English class.

Such is the cause of my perfection paralysis, or at least I think so. It could also be the fact that I’m a bit of a control freak, but my sad high school story is much more appealing, so I’ll go with that.

But I have decided that I’ve been semi-invisible far too long. So here I am, warts and all. I’m not perfect, nor is my writing, but isn’t that what makes us interesting?

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , , , | 14 Comments

Perfection Paralysis and Writing Coaches of Doom

Posted on February 13, 2012 by thedooverdiva

I’ve already confessed to being a “do-over disaster”, so I may as well lay it all on the table now: I am the victim of perfection paralysis. What is that you may ask?  It is a maddening malady that cannot be cured by popping pills, or learning yoga.  It is a syndrome so shameful  that I have never spoken of it before, until now.

Strangely enough this ailment never affected me in my corporate career, only in my personal writing.   Although I love to write, and write a lot, I become paralyzed when it comes to anyone reading my work. Not exactly the formula for a successful writing career!

Part of the problem is I don’t want anyone to see my work in case they notice an error or a flaw; it has to be perfect. So are you proud of me?  If you’re reading this, it means I’m sharing it; a major breakthrough in the self-treatment of my condition.  Yay me!

Over the years I have taken numerous writing courses and have been told by my coaches that my work is very publishable.  Well, except that one teacher at the community college who started the class by telling us we didn’t have a hope of ever being published, that it was a soul-destroying pursuit and we should choose a different career. He hadn’t even read our names on the class roster, let alone read any of our work. Inspiring!

Ignoring his sage advice, I summoned up the courage to send a short story to a magazine.  Although I received the dreaded rejection letter I was excited. It wasn’t a form letter, it was a personal letter from the editor.  She gushed about how much she loved my work but said it wasn’t a fit for the magazine.   She encouraged me to study the magazine and send in another, but I never did. 

As a result of my aversion to sharing, I have a collection of short stories, poems, essays and articles destined to remain buried deep in a folder on my laptop, instead of dancing through the minds and imaginations of readers.

But if my latest lay-off has given me one thing, it has given me time to think.  And I believe I have discovered the root causes of my perplexing paralysis.   It goes all the way back to a hot summer’s day in high school.  I’ll explain next time.

Categories: Inspiration, The Do Over | Tags: , , | 14 Comments